By: Tracy E. Gilchris
She Wired
This week on The Real L Word the lovable lezzies of WeHo and beyond got down to some serious stuff after last week’s episode that was brimming with bitching and backstabbing. In fact, the girls were generally so heartfelt and sincere that I’m not sure I can pull enough fodder to do my usual loving skewering of their antics. But since this was the second to last episode of the season I’m going to give it the old women’s college try.
We rev things up with Sajdah driving to – where else? – LAX to pick up her mom. Really, I’m not sure how LAX got a sponsorship deal with The Real L Word but damned if the girls aren’t driving to that gateway to Lala land at least once an episode.
If you recall last week Saj acted like a bit of a big baby and dumped her hot girlfriend Chanel rather than employ an ounce of introspection. To her credit however, she realizes she may not have been in the right frame of mind to immerse herself in a one month and one day relationship – or however long it turned out to be.
“I got some growing up to do,” Saj says while en route to LAX. Of course there’s a tearful reunion between Saj and her mom Sarita, who’s flown from North Carolina to support her daughter in a time of need. Saj’s mom does not mess around. She deplanes and says, “I have got to get me a shot of Jack Daniels.” As someone who needs a Xanax, a Bloody Mary, a melatonin, the rosary, the latest copy of Vanity Fair and a pacifier to fly I can fully relate to Rita’s request.
But rather than tie one on at lunch, which is not an uncommon occurrence on The RLW, Saj and Rita opt for lunch at Dinah’s famous for its chicken.
For those of you paying attention to the landmarks, you can not get to Dinah’s near the airport via Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood as the RLW editors would have you believe. I mean, you could but it would be one hell of a circuitous route if you’re starting from LAX.
Somewhere between Saj picking up her mom and Dinah’s we discover that Rita had Saj when she was just 16, followed by her mother’s murder a year later, which is just an awful, sobering event to endure. Saj says her mom is the strongest person she knows.
On to one half of the baby making couple Kacy, who’s over on Robertson Blvd. dining with her friend Drea, who’s visiting and who has plenty of experience with the ups and downs of insemination – terrible pun intended – as she and her partner have twin one-year-old babies at home.
Drea regales Kacy with the horror stories of failed insemination after failed insemination and then the subsequent struggle for nannies, for schools etc.. “Just give up now,” she jokingly—I think—tells Kacy. And in my delusional mind I halfheartedly begin to think Kacy has been reading this mess of a recap I’ve been penning for months now in which I suggest Cori and Kacy rewatch season one of the L Word to educate themselves on how not do to an insemination…Because Kacy asks if she and Cori should have sex before the insemination to help move things along. Drea suggests that it’s not TV – ala the L Word – and Kacy will won’t have time to think about “eating out” Cori during the whole process. But this makes me think of the L Word pilot and that terribly awkward moment with Bette under Tina’s gown in the OB / GYN’s office, and I miss them.
Over at Francine’s she’s having a dinner party with her new gf Kristianne, her favorite gay boy friend, Romi and Kelsey and Whitney and Rachel. Francine, who is closeted to her conservative Japanese family, is powwowing with her guests about how best to come out to her mother when mom comes to visit next week. Romi suggests a Power Point presentation – a stellar idea.
A bit later Romi reveals to Whitney – who looks particularly pretty this evening – that Kelsey is jealous of the connection Romi and Whitney have, which is namely a similar sense of humor. I would beg to differ that the connection that makes Kelsey jealous goes much deeper – wink, wink, nudge, nudge – but okay, we’ll go with “sense of humor” as the culprit. Oh, and for those of you not paying close attention, this is what the call in literature classes “foreshadowing.”
Cut to Whitney and her roomie, whom I’ve dubbed the show’s ‘voice of reason’ Alyssa, discussing plans for Whit’s next event since her Juicy night turned out to be a whopping success. The next evil plan Whit is hatching involves hosting a lesbian field day – like in elementary school but with all girls, lots of tats, feeling each other up and cocktails – that she’s calling Pants v. Pumps. This of course leads to a discussion about who of their friends will play for Pants and who will play for Pumps.
“I know how to swing a hammer,” Whitney says, adding that’s why she’ll be playing for the Pants team. A hammer’s not all Whit knows how to swing but we’ll leave it at that.
But on to more serious matters – Alyssa clues Whit in to the fact that Rachel is struggling and needs Whitney’s support.
Over at the Romi / Kelsey homestead they are – what else?—screaming about boozing and whether or not they should break up. They’re such a cute couple when they’re both sober and not screaming but those moments have been few and far between on the RLW.
This time Romi is incensed that Kelsey went out and had a glass of wine on the first night they spent apart. Romi’s not as pissed that Kelsey drank as she is that Kelsey made a promise not to drink – or something like that. I’m thinking they should get thee both to a meeting – AA, AlAnon – whatever’s appropriate because there’s so much blame being tossed around. But it wouldn’t make for such TV worthy drama if they just sat in meetings all the time, so I get it.
Over at the happy couple with baby-making woes house Cori and Kacy are doing the sperm math. It’s fairly like an algebra problem to determine how much money they are spending per sperm shot considering the distance the little critters have to swim to the egg based on the velocity of the thrust of the inseminator etc, etc… They determine that each shot costs a cool $2,824. Like most discussions about money this one ends up with the lovebirds fighting while accusing the other of not listening.
Meanwhile, Saj is taking her mom on the LGBT tour of LA. My first stop would have been at the Abbey on a Sunday afternoon but Saj takes her mom to the wonderful resource The LA Gay and Lesbian Center where Saj has a night of action training with Vote for Equality. Now, a night of action sounds like a completely different kind of event that Saj might like to attend sans her mom but it turns out it’s all about getting people to vote for LGBT rights.
Part of the planning session requires spilling one’s guts out to total strangers. Saj’s mom plays along so much better than I do in these situations that require a level of emotional intimacy, so I must hand it to her. Rita explains that she thought Saj was just going through a phase with her lesbianism but that she’s finally coming around to the idea that Saj is a full-fledged lez (my words, not hers).
“I think it’s beautiful for you all to stand up for your rights and for what you believe in,” Rita tells the night of action folks.
Back to Romi and Kelsey and Romi's crying that she may need to get sober independent of Kelsey. “I’m sorry I can’t just go get drunk with you. I know you miss that,” Romi says.
And just like that their days of playing Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf or Days of Wine and Roses are over.
We flip back to Saj and Rita and they are getting gussied up to head to a new church Saj has discovered, and Saj – clad in a shirt and tie -- looks like a mighty cute boi.
“You look just like a young man,” Rita says, before explaining in a talking head interview that she sent Saj out to L.A. with “ballet flats, blouses, Gucci bags, make up…”
I’m not sure if it’s the ballet flats or the Gucci bags but all I have to say to the RLW producers is, “Photographic evidence please!!!!”
It turns out that Saj has discovered the church of the LA universe-- Agape. And while this New England cynic still considers Agape to be a flakey LA indulgence it turns out to be a galvanizing moment of acceptance for Saj and Rita. By the end of the service that encourages universal love and humanity Saj loses it crying.
Cut to Rita in an interview saying all she wanted was for Saj to get an education. After that, if Saj “chooses to love on a woman and bring me vitro babies I’m fine with that,” Rita says. And with that sentiment my Grinch heart grew four sizes.
Next up, Whitney and Rachel are having lunch and discussing Rachel’s fragile emotional state. This part of the show is pretty tough to watch as Rachel really is on the edge emotionally and says she doesn’t want to live the way she’s been living. Now, that could be taken to mean she wants help or that she doesn’t want to live, which is incredibly scary. Whit offers to pay for Rachel to talk to someone. In all seriousness, there are counselors at the LA Gay and Lesbian Center who do work for next to nothing if not nothing. I do wish the RLW had let that be known as Rachel could absolutely seek help there and it won’t break her bank.
While the scene is completely serious Whitney does discuss her bad girl past with addiction during which retro shots – not made via Hipstamatic -- of a bad baby Whit flash on the screen, and did she ever look like an adorable trouble-making little burnout.
Onward and upward to another couple struggling with their demons and Romi is helping Kelsey move out – or rather helping to push Kelsey out the door on Romi time.
“I need, I need, I need,” Kelsey shouts mocking Romi’s list of needs. “I’ll give you plenty of space,” Kelsey says. So what else does a couple in the throws of a break-up do? No, they don’t have bonus sex – Romi drives Kelsey to a friend’s house where she’ll be hunkering down for a while.
Then, what does a girl who’s just broken up with her girlfriend do? She goes to a dildo presentation at her ex fling Whitney’s house. For those of you who followed season one you’ll recall that Whitney, Romi and dildos go together like mimosas and brunch, like peaches and cream, like popcorn and movies, like…you get the picture.
“What better to get your mind off of something than a dildo presentation?” Whit says of Romi coming over after her breakup.
It is time for the unveiling of Whitney and Alyssa’s inseminator, a gift they crafted from a male friend’s “wang” to help Kacy and Cori enjoy the insemination process. Needless to say, Kacy and Cori are touched by Alyssa and Whit’s gesture of silicone kindness, although both of these girls hold the dildo up to their crotches upside-down at one point. Maybe they have the inside scoop on how to make a homemade dildo inseminator work wonders.
Cori, Kacy and Romi leave and Whit, with a grin that signals she is up to no damned good, is buried in texting.
Alyssa asks what she’s up to and Whit says she’s busy Tweeting. And like the worst suspense story ever told we just know what’s coming next. Alyssa goes to bed and Whit opens the door for Romi to sneak back in to Whit’s “dirty boudoir.”
I’m sure it was the dildo presentation that cemented their passion for one another after last season’s magnificently naughty finale that had Romi, Whit and a strap-on in a tryst. My heart goes out to Kelsey for a hot second who’s side of the bed at Romi’s apartment is still warm but who knew that Whit and Romi would turn out to be the RLW’s ostensible Bette and Tina / Ross and Rachel? Maybe they are the glue that holds this beautiful mess of a show together.
Tune in next week for the season finale, which promises loads of screaming, bitching, boozing, possible baby making and plenty of Romi / Whit sexy times. Oh, and brace yourselves as it promises to bring Claire back as she was noticeably absent from this episode.
